Being a dog parent is not a choice, but a lifestyle – one which involves your pooch treating your toilet like a cocktail bar, ruining your lawn, and scooting their butt across the floor when you have guests. Luckily, this no-nonsense survival guide is here to help you navigate canine parenthood, whether you need to learn never to leave food unattended, that they will always choose puddle water over fresh, or that there is never an acceptable excuse for showing affection to any other living creature.